First Chemo: Halfway Update....

....and I've felt better, I must say. I don't feel horrible, but enough to have it be annoying. The odd thing is that one day I will feel pretty good and then the next day, I will feel like junk.

Each day since chemo, I have had at least one of the following side effects, but usually its two or three at a time:

• Headache (can't take anything for it - sucks)
• Stomach cramps
• Jaw pain and sore mouth (think that's from Prednisone)
• Muscle aches
• Insomnia, yet tired (go figure)

Although these are not fun, I have still been trying to do what I can to stay active. I've gone for long walks and worked out at home with free weights, but it's really unmotivating. I am going to see what I can do about going to the gym. My body's gone to crap because I've lost so much muscle and its been replaced with so much fat, that I feel pretty gross. I really need to work out at the gym where I can at least try to get some decent exercise. I'm supposed to avoid crowds and stuff because my immune system is shot and I can get sick easily, but I am hoping that if I go to the gym during non-peak hours, that I will be fine. I will give it a shot and see! Otherwise, I might go nutso.

On another topic, I heard bad stories and received warnings from family, friends and the nurses that coming off the Prednisone can be ugly, but I didn't seem to have any side effects for this first time. No nasty mood swings or anything. The good thing about getting off it was that my mouth isn't sore anymore.

No hair loss yet - fingers are crossed!

No puking yet - although, I've felt like it a few times so far.

First Chemo: Check!

I've made it through the first treatment. The session was to last 8 hours because they had to give me the Rutixmab very slowly as it often results in side effects because the body is somewhat "freaked out" with it and tries to fight it.

I did really well. I only had a few small reactions. After about two hours, out of the blue I got what was something like "spring allergies". All of a sudden, I was sneezing like crazy, my nose was plugged yet running and I was coughing. The roof of my mouth was feeling quite bizarre...almost like someone was sticking it with needles. After about 20 minutes, all of this went away and then I got a scratchy sore throat. That went away after about 20 minutes as well and the final reaction was just some mild stomach cramping after I ate my lunch. Yummy hospital chicken salad sandwich and some yogurt. I survived the hospital food, so that was a bonus too!

They were giving me Benadryll (however you spell that), so I was pretty sleepy at times but it was pretty noisy in the room so I couldn't really actually get any rest. I think I may have dozed off here and there, but kept getting woken up by all of the talking and commotion. The room was set up better than I thought. It was open, but there were half-walls on each side of my bed, so Todd and I had a little bit of privacy from the people next to us. Each bed and/or chair looked out into the center of the room at the nurses' station, so I got to do some people watching too. There was one guy who, for the entire day, just cleaned the crap out of every bed/chair once a person left. He would sanitize EVERYTHING in the little "cubby", so that made me feel good since I am a mini-germophobe! But he was doing this because all of our immune systems are shot, and they have to get rid of any germs that might be around. Poor guy - that is all he did for the whole day while I was there. Clean, clean, clean. Todd and I wanted to ask if he would come to our house and clean?

I got home and was pretty tired, so I went to sleep early. I took my temperature (I have to take it twice a day) and everything was normal, so all seems to be well. The nurse called me a little while ago to see how I was feeling too. She is super nice.

I've got lots of energy right now, but this is thanks to the Prednisone (the steroids). I take them for 5 days, starting on the day of chemo. The nurse said that if I wanted to clean the house, these next couple of days would be a good time! She also warned me that next week I am going to "crash" pretty hard. She said that with the Prednisone, it is like drinking 5 Red Bulls a day, and then just stopping suddenly. So, in a few days, I shall start to feel assey I am told and I could be quite moody! Poor Todd. Therefore, I will enjoy the energy and lack of side effects I have right now because next week will potentially suck.

Overall though, everything went well!

Chemo Countdown! Two days to go!

Two more days until the first treatment. I'm officially off of work as of yesterday, so I've been running around trying to take care of as many errands as possible so I don't have to worry about them after Thursday.


I went yesterday to get all of my prescriptions filled that the doctor wrote out for me. I feel like an old woman! They don't even all fit into my little pill box that I keep my regular supplements in :) Most of them are "as needed" to combat the chemo side effects but there are three different ones to help with the nausea. The Pharmacist said that one of them in particular is "worth every penny" (they are $24/pill...thank God for insurance). So, I'm all set with my drugs!


I also talked to my cancer nurse and she said that I shouldn't lose all of my hair!! That is the BEST news I could have ever gotten! I have really thick, mostly healthy, hair so she said I should experience some thinning only. That has been the hardest part for me. And every time someone says "don't worry, it will grow back", I just want to reach out and smack them! Sure, it will grow back but it will take YEARS. Something I cannot mentally handle at this point. So, I'm glad that I don't have to worry as much about that. It takes a massive weight off my shoulders.

So, two more days! I'm still not nervous!

Cindy's current mental state. Is she freaking yet?!

The answer? Not at all.

I am not sure why, but I am just not stressing over all of this. It is what it is. During my googling, coming across blogs like this one, I've read grown men saying that they cried for hours. Not me. For some reason, I've been dealt these cards and I will get through it. I am putting lots of faith in the fact that I am a healthy person and I take good care of myself (unless hockey is on TV and then it ends up being beer and pizza....shhhhh!) and that I will try to continue to work out and stay active and eat healthy through all of the chemo. Sure, I am probably going to be super sick at times and dead tired, but I am going to do my best to suck it up and at least get outside and go for walks during those times. Of course, I say this now. It could all change after my first chemo experience.

I've psycho-analyzed myself and have diagnosed myself as "living in a bubble of delusion". That's ok though. I am very happy there and it is working for me. Should the bubble burst, I'll deal with that when it happens. But for now....I am still the same me. And that is something that I hope my family and friends can depend on to get them through their worries :) After all, isn't attitude half the battle?

And, your treatment recipe is......

R-CVP. That is my treatment recipe. I was like "what the heck is that" and "how does one get that"? I have a cancer nurse officially assigned to me, so I can ask her all of the questions I want! Poor lady!

R-CVP is 4 different types of cancer drugs:

• Rituximab
• Cyclophosphamide I.V.
• Vincristine
• Prednisone

Say those 5x fast!! Holy crap.

I will need to get a treatment every 3 weeks, for 8 cycles. So, this means 6 months of chemo. My first appointment is April 16th and it is going to last for 8 hours. The Hematologist told me that I would be, and I quote, "snowed". Can doctor's say that?! At any rate, after that 8 hour session, all others should only take around 4 hours. After I finish my 6 months of chemo, I am not totally off the hook. I still have to get Rituximab once every 3 months for the next two years. During all of chemo via I.V., I'll continue to get scans and blood tests....hence continuation of the human pin cushion! I might whistle if I flap my hands around too fast because of all the holes they are going to make in me with needles!

Hematology and CT scans and blood tests, OH MY!

So, the day is March 31st and it is finally time to meet with the Hematologist. Todd and I were really looking forward to this part because we could finally get some details and answers about what was going to happen next. For me, waiting has been the most annoying part of this whole thing!

Since I don't yet know the stage of the cancer, I had to have a CT scan and for this I had to fast for 4 hours before the scan. The appointment was going to last around 2 hours, so this means I couldn't eat for around 7 hours by time we got out of the hospital and to a restaurant. Let me tell you....I was ready to eat the magazines in the CT scan waiting room. Poor Todd....every 5 or 10 minutes with me whining "I'm huuuuuungry.....uuuuuhhhhh"!

After both the Hematologist, the CT scan and the blood work appointments we finally left the hospital. I had a cotton ball taped to each arm from needles, and therefore had a hard time bending them, and 7 hours worth of hunger built up so we went and pigged out. It was a bad scene :) I felt bad for all women and children in the vicinity of our table!!!

The results are in - you have cancer!

March 18th is now officially known to me as diagnosis day. I decided to work from home that day because I knew I would be getting my test results.

After a chat with Dr. Lorimer, he told me that it was in fact NOT Hodgkin's disease. It was non-Hodgkin's. This of course wasn't the best news because of the two....this one is the scarier one...but that's ok. I still didn't panic. He told me I have follicular lymphoma which is a slow-growing, non-aggressive type of cancer and it appears to be Grade 1-2. He mentioned that he didn't know many more details, as I would need more tests (of course!) and would have to talk with a Hematologist.

After hanging up the phone, Todd and I googled like freaks. For hours. I got a lot of valuable information on follicular lymphoma and not all of it was good. For example, although this is a non-aggressive cancer it is also not curable. Well, that's a bitch. But, hey - still not panicking.

At this point, Todd and I decide that it might be time to start telling people so we call our parents and tell our close friends. Some are strong, but most of them are upset. Some have mini-freak outs and some shed tears and some put on brave faces. At this point, all I keep saying to them is that everything is going to be ok and there is no need to stress! I hate seeing people upset...

I digest the news of the c-bomb for a couple of weeks while I wait for my next round of doctor appointments: Hematology, a CT Scan and some more blood work. Turning into a human pin cushion. Boooo.

Excuse me, Doc. That's not a needle - that's a scalpel!

March 11th. It's biopsy day! Now, the thought of this didn't exactly make me feel all giddy at the core, so I wasn't looking forward to it. I mean, sticking a big long needle into my swollen lymph node just doesn't sound appealing.

Todd and I went to see Dr. Lorimer at the Ottawa hospital and after he had a look at me, he dropped the bomb....

"So, Cindy we are not going to do a needle biopsy. We're just going to remove the lymph node."

Fabulous. Out comes the scalpel. And out goes Todd. When the doctor kicked him out of the room, I knew I was not about to have one of the funnest experiences in my life. First came the freezing needle, which....yeah....that sucked. Then, came the surgery and I could still feel things so out comes the freezing needle again....and it sucked just as much as the first time. After some maneuvering, the Dr. finally got the lymph node out and into a little sterile cup it went, on its way to the lab. After some stitches, I was off to get some blood taken. This was all not fun too because I couldn't really sit down because the incision was right where my leg bends. So, there I sit, in a chair at the hospital, all lopsided and twisted! It was quite the site!

At home, after biopsy, the incision was putting up a good fight and after some ice packs and whining I finally fell asleep. Now....the waiting....

Follow the yellow brick road....to the ultrasound!

My first test was an ultrasound on February 24th. This was just supposed to be of the lumps, but turned into about a two hour appointment! Once the technician started to look around he told me that they were swollen lymph nodes and not any type of tumor or anything. He kept looking around and kept finding some more curious things to look at in more detail and decided to go and get the Radiologist. My mental red flag raised a bit. The guy who analyzes the tests usually doesn't come into the room. Usually you have to wait a week for him to look at the results and draft a report.

The Radiologist came into the room and started directing the technician to scan here and look there and check those and get a better look at these. The ultrasound went from just looking at my little lumps to my entire groin area, my abdomen and my chest. They must have taken 100 pictures of interesting stuff inside me before they finally called it quits.

The Radiologist said to me that it looks like I might have Hodgkins disease. He told me it sounds scary but it is highly curable and not to worry. I wasn't worried - I mean, it was just speculation, so what would be the point in getting stressed or upset? He told me that if I were a family member of his, he would tell me to go and get a biopsy. Then, he sent me for a chest xray. After all of those tests, I was finally dismissed.

I got home and my doctor called me back immediately, so back to the hospital I went. She told me the same pre-diagnosis and that she scheduled me for a needle biopsy. At this point, I was still feeling positive and not worrying!

Oh! A lump! Hmmmm.

Over the past 3 or 4 years, I've worked really hard to live a healthy lifestyle. I've changed my eating habits quite a lot (although they are not perfect) and I've always been physically active. I've lifted weights, taken spinning classes, gone to pilates, had personal trainers, ran a couple of 10ks and a half marathon, played soccer, started kickboxing....tons of things to get healthy and burn fat and feel energetic.

Instead, I felt tired. Tired all the time. I would come back from personal training at the gym in the morning and start to fall asleep on the drive. After JUST working out. This is not normal, I'd say. Usually this would be the time that most people would be full of energy and ready to start their day. Instead, I was trying to wake myself up just to get into the shower. Sucked.

Back in September, I noticed a pea-sized lump in my groin where my leg bends at my hip. At the time, I was doing some pretty hefty personal training. My trainer had me doing 10 sets of 10 repetitions....so for example 100 bench presses, 100 bicep curls, 100 squats, etc. I just chalked it up to crazy workouts. Then, about a week later I noticed a second lump that was a little above the first one. I asked my trainer if it may be workout related. I thought maybe I had a muscle tear or something and that was the result. I didn't pay much attention to it, but then I noticed it kept growing....slowly....but it kept growing in size.

After Todd bugged me enough to get it checked out, I went to my family doctor in December. She checked both lumps out and said she wasn't concerned because she could move them around (meaning they weren't likely cancerous tumors - you usually cannot move those around). She told me to come back in two months and she'd check the state of them to see if there was any change.

Back to the doc I went in February. The one lump grew in size again. We all know what this means. Bring on the barage of tests!

What's this all about?

I decided to start this blog for a couple of reasons....

First, I wanted to be sure that I could keep my friends and family updated about my health and progress. If I didn't use this form of communication, I'd likely be on the phone for a few days at a time with the list of people I have to call :)

Second, when I got diagnosed with cancer I googled the crap out of everything and read every paragraph on every cancer website I could click my mouse on. If you were here, you would have seen the smoke coming from the laptop! Totally normal reaction I'm sure. Who needs doctors when we have the Internet?!

Anyways, the most interesting information I found came from sites like this one where people just like me are/were living through the experience. Although I have just been diagnosed and don't have much of an experience to share, I figured I'd start now from the beginning.....and who knows? Maybe someone will find this useful or inspiring?